Setting yourself up for success in the new year
It's all about the 80:20 rule and getting clear on your non-negotiables
Every year, as December comes to an end, we inevitably find ourselves encouraged to set intentions for what we want to see come January+.
But by February, so many of us have lost sight of or the desire to continue with these new year’s resolutions. Why?
I find myself wondering if, at the end of the day, setting these goals is more helpful or harmful? And if we do decide to practice this end-of-year ritual, is there a way to approach it that maximizes our chances of longer-term success?
Let’s explore this a little further.
From the glass half full perspective, an event ( in this case, NYE) that invites you to pause, take inventory of your life, and encourages you to make changes you believe to be in alignment with your ideal sense of well-being, is in essence positive. You’re essentially Marie Kondo-ing your reality, and we should all constantly be living in a way that brings us joy. Truth be told, you can do this any day of the year, but that’s besides the point.
From the glass half empty perspective, there’s an aspect to the whole ‘new year, new me’ mindset that can easily add undue pressure, have you set unrealistic expectations, and may set you up to feel defeated.
So what’s the answer? Well, unexcitingly (yes I know that’s not really a word), it’s the obvious one: balance.
Now before getting into what exactly I mean by ‘balance,’ I do want to pause and say—just in case no one has told you this— you don’t need to fall prey to any version of ‘new year, new you.’ While sure we should ideally be ever-evolving, the you that you are is awesome (unless you’re an awful person, but I’m going to assume you’re pretty ok).
If you’re curious what it would be like to level-up some aspects of your life then great, but know that if you’re happy with everything the way it is, that’s great too.
Alright, back to balance.
In all likelihood, in order to incentivize you to reap the potential benefits of whatever changes you’re looking to incorporate, you’ll likely want more than an exact 50:50 split of old habits vs. new. So, ‘balance’ actually looks more like the ol’ 80:20 rule. With it, you create that fire that gets you going, but you’re also tending to it in a way that keeps it burning long after January has come to an end.
For those who don’t know, the 80:20 rule speaks to pursuing what’s in alignment with your goals 80% of the time, giving yourself that remaining 20% as the flexibility you will inevitably need in order to make these more permanent behavior changes. Approaching things like health in this way helps you avoid feeling defeated and also lets you enjoy ‘real life.’
For me, as someone who works on the gut x brain connection with the goal of helping people live in alignment with their health goals, I always guide my clients to incorporate changes that actually fit their lifestyle. I first encourage the removal of judgement and offer a reminder that it’s ok to stick with what you like. Building from your happy-place makes sustainability possible. Removal of what brings you joy can lead to burnout and over-correction.
—Shameless plug: Want to learn more about what working with me entails? Go to www.getelated.com or e-mail me at hello@getelated.com—
One of the easiest ways to start seeing success with an 80:20 lifestyle is refraining from categorizing things as ‘good’ or ‘bad.’ Perhaps unintentionally, from that black and white way of looking at life, you’re introducing a proverbial pedestal and punishing whatever doesn’t make it atop.
I would hate for anyone to feel like they have to give up something that sincerely brings them joy just because someone told them it was ‘bad’ (obviously, within reason). Dessert is a non-negotiable for you? Great! Let’s honor that and see how we incorporate it in the best way possible.
Importantly, doing this requires you to first be clear on what your non-negotiables actually are. Like the dessert referenced above, your non-negotiables are the ‘things’ in your life that you’re unwilling to compromise on. Usually, they speak to your morals, values, perhaps your ideals, but more commonly they’re just what make you feel safe and joyful.
Once you’re clear on your non-negotiables things tend to move away from ‘good’ and ‘bad’ and towards being in or out of ‘alignment’—easier, no?
I’ll give you an example: one of my non-negotiables is that I won’t put anything synthetic in my body. Now, this may sound unrealistic or extreme, but it actually provides a pretty navigable path for me to follow. It helps me honor one of my health goals of primarily consuming from the earth, and it also guides me as I make choices in things like beauty products and housewares.
Continuing with this example, when thinking about how I want to set myself up for success in the new year, I would begin by filtering my life through this non-negotiable and then seeing where I can shift and optimize.
In my case, I want to do a better job of wearing organic clothing and not buying synthetic materials. And just for you smarty pants that are reading and saying “but you said you won’t put anything synthetic in your body, clothes go on,” I’ll remind you that your skin is your largest, and most porous organ. If you want to learn more about the effect of synthetics in your body, we should sidebar!
So, once I’ve made the declaration that 2025 is the “year for cotton clothing” (I’m looking at a pretty wild and crazy year ahead!) I then pass it through that 80:20 ‘sieve’ which would look something like this:
“Alright, great! This change makes me excited and honors my non-negotiables”
“Throwing out all my synthetic clothing and replacing them in one fell swoop is unrealistic right now”
“I’ll make the commitment to purchasing organic items moving forward, and for now, I’ll start by prioritizing certain items, not hanging out in synthetic athletic wear, and choosing cotton when doing heated workouts.”
While that wasn’t the most entertaining of conversations, I hope I painted an accurate picture of
1. being clear on a non-negotiable,
2. making a goal in alignment with that non-negotiable,
3. breaking it down into manageable steps that help honor the original goal the majority of the time (the 80%), and then
4. allowing for real-life situations and avoiding extremes (the 20%).
Now, I invite you to do the same.
Taking time to get clear on your non-negotiables is the fastest way to go through life without being jostled by its ebbs and flows. It allows for sustainable behavioral changes because your actions and goals are rooted in what’s most important to you.
In sum, creating goals for yourself that honor these non-negotiables just feels like you’re maximizing your life; nothing scary or undoable. Breaking these goals down into smaller steps that you can tackle helps you fit them more seamlessly into your day-to-day, and also helps you feel accomplished. Finally, giving yourself grace and room for ‘error’ prevents you from feeling like you failed, and actually teaches you in real-time how you can face anything life throws at you.
While this may seem overly simple, why should it be any harder?
My goal in sharing this is that whenever you’re looking to level-up your life—whether it’s new year’s, your birthday, or a plain ol’ Monday morning— by centering yourself in your non-negotiables, creating alignment with your new action-steps and these non-negotiables, and then committing to them 80% of the time, you’re sure to find yourself way past January, living optimally—whatever that means for you.
Want to learn more about what working with me entails? Go to www.getelated.com or e-mail me at hello@getelated.com